FMUF – Be Nice

(This is very late and I’m Sorry)

Greetings and Salutations on this lovely Fuck-Me-Up Friday.

This week I have a story with a message attached to it.

Here we go.

So I’m working at Panera Bread which is one of my two current jobs. I started my shift at 11:30 and I was there until 7. In comparison to the past few weeks, that’s an hour or two longer than what I am normally scheduled for. Also I am normally put in the drive thru but today I was on front register (which I prefer anyway) and stayed there for my shift.

Now I always liked front register. Many employees hated it because they had to deal with customers face to face and admittedly Panera customers are primarily upper middle class retired couples who feel entitled to everything along with thinking they are getting ‘fancy fast food’ by going to Panera.

Fast food is fast food, live with it, anyway…

Front register was always easy. I just had to fake a smile, kill the assholes with kindness and do my best to not screw up an order. That’s mainly it, the key is… be nice. I hate sounding like a braggadocios individual but I consider myself a nice person. Especially with customers. To me its simple to force a smile and sound polite. On top of that, certain situations with a customer will make me drop my fake nice and let my genuine kindness come out.

My parents have raised me to be nice, and by the end of this story my goal is to add another reason to why everyone should be nice to other people no matter what.

Near the end of my shift, around 5:30-6:00, my friend visits me unexpectedly. While her mother waits for the food, I don’t have anymore customers so I chat and catch up with my friend. After a couple minutes go by a woman approaches the front register. I tell my friend I’ll see them later, and I ask the woman if she is ready and she starts ordering.

She begins getting her food and I have to begin my interrogation-like platter of questions about their order. Drink? 99 cent pastry? do they have a MyPanera card? Half-size Whole Size?

As I’m going through the questions she answers them with no issue and to me she seemed like a totally normal customer. After she answers one of my questions she breaks the flow and says.

“Sorry for the bad mood, I’m not having the best day ever right now.”

When people mention something like this, I break the robotic nice barrier and try to level with them.

“I totally get it, we’ve all been there, we’ve all had those days.” I say.

I keep going through the questions and she gets a chocolate chip cookie  with her meal. Now, she seemed totally nice, she didn’t seem to be in a bad mood at all and caused me no problems.

This is where my morals and company policy begin to fog a little. When I see suitable reason to give a free pastry to someone, I do so. That of course isn’t entirely what’s allowed. Someone kindy apologizing for an attitude I didn’t even notice and to say she was having a bad day? Seems suitable to me at the time.  So after she pays I lean in a little bit.

“Do you want me to get you another cookie, on me?”

She looks confused. She’s perplexed as to why I’d do something I’m not supposed to for her.

“What? You serious?” she says.

“Well I mean you said you were having a bad day so, thought I might as well try to help you out.” I replied.

Her face begins to loosen as she pieces together it’s just because I’m trying to be nice to her. She begins thanking me and she starts to seem a little too happy about this. She’s smiling and repeatedly saying thank you.

Then she shakes my hand and asks for my name. I’m thinking, ‘Uhm okay, it”s just a cookie’.  She’s saying things like ‘you have no idea how much…’ and ‘that’s so kind of you’

But then she leans in to me and very quietly and plainly tells me something.

“I have cancer.” She says.

I freeze for a moment. To start, I’ve never been good at comforting someone and I’m naturally awkward in moments like this. I say a basic involuntary response to bad news.

“Oh my God I’m so sorry.” I say, I look back and think that probably wasn’t the best response to have. But that isn’t the point.

Obviously none of you reading this saw her face but it looked so happy when I offered the extra cookie. This little act made her smile and be happy in the face of tragic news that she probably received that day. (Our Panera is across from a hospital)

The point is people don’t properly realize that every person is their own individual with their own life. We have no idea what could be going on through other people’s minds and lives. There’s no reason we should be mean to one another. There’s nothing stopping us from being the nicest version of ourselves that we can be. One day a situation like this will come to us all and we all have to chance to make someone’s day or even just be able to make them smile.

Think back to a time someone did  something nice for you… remember how you felt?

Exactly. Now make someone else feel that way.


FMUF – First Video Gig & Birthday

Before I begin, if you have an Instagram and like photography, follow @angstwithacamera for my own original photography. Comment that the blog brought you there!

Back to me getting fucked up.

Hey everyone! Welcome to the weekly segment of my mental instability being broadcasted in digital text.

So this week I’m gonna give you a broad rundown of my week.

Monday – Day in Philly, Photography, Bike Ride Through South Philly, Fun
Tuesday – Don’t Remember, Had Dinner At Nice Restauraunt
Wednesday – Don’t Remember
Thursday – Day 1 Of First Paid Videography Gig, Saw Local Production of
‘Disaster: The Musical’, Absolutely Hilarious
Friday – Finish Videography Gig

And Here We Are

So I want to discuss the Philly trip and my first videography gig and move into my favorite holiday coming tomorrow.

Okay so my friend recommends the idea that we use the IndeGo bikes through Philly to go to a thrift store and pick up some records and head back. Having lived in Philly for a few months I’m all ‘Nah we gonna get run over’ but my friend urges so I decide to go. If anyone here has seen ‘Master Of None’ Season 2 Ep 2 I believe, where Dev and Arnold Moped through the European countryside… Surprisingly that’s what I felt like biking through Philly. It was so calming and so, independent. It gave me the same feeling when I’d go to the art museum by myself back in the school year. This feeling of indefinite independence, like this was my choice and I’m having fun with my choice. I felt like I had so much ahead of me. It was super nice out and it was so fun riding with my buds throughout this magna-cosm of a city knowing we were but a flick of importance to it but we were existing none-the-less.

It was so fun, I also got some good photography done while I was there and hopefully those edited photos will be out within the next week or so.

Okay next element of fuck up-ness comes Thursday and this morning. A friend reached me and said a Theatre camp she is a counselor in needs a videographer to record one of the shows Friday. So I email the main adult in charge and get hired. They say I need to record the show and edit a DVD and burn the DVDs. Now I knew what the pay would be so I agreed to do it even though I currently have no idea how to burn a DVD. I assume it shouldn’t be that hard…

So Thursday rolls around and I’m there to essentially troubleshoot, and make sure I have time to fix anything I need to fix. They ran the show twice and Friday I need to record the final dress rehearsal and final performance. So recording it twice Thursday also help me test the battery life of both cameras I was using. So one run through we lit. Second run through… and both batteries die, and the camera both randomly stop recording in the middle of the show.

So now I’m a little nervous, but I consider it not a difficult fix to both problems, nothing google can’t solve. I find a local camera store and buy extra batteries for both cameras and I drop $120 on them which was basically all of the money I had at the time. And I googled why the cameras stop recording randomly and found a solution.

So then I’m ready to go for Friday (today). We run the dress rehearsal and they say they are gonna run one more dress rehearsal before the show. I check my cameras to switch the batteries and charge the ones I just used. I look at the camera I have hooked into the mic. And I see it.

I recorded the whole dress rehearsal without the Mic plugged in.

In other words I am Shit

So now I have to make sure I record this whole other dress rehearsal and hope I have the battery life for the final performance. I think to myself, the show lasts 50 minutes, the batteries should charge back up enough in time for the final show after that. Then I hear the director say they only running the music number and then they are opening the house and starting the show shortly after.

I’m sweating just typing this.

I was just nervous, I didn’t want to royally fuck up my first job in my actual field, even if it was something simple like recording a musical. I needed to start this off well. I’m sweating and pacing until I have to remove the batteries from the chargers and start the next recording. I was scared but God was on my side and the show went well. But my shirt was damp from nervous sweat.

So lastly, tomorrow is a very important holiday… Canada Day… and my birthday.

So peace love and turtle doves… Idk

-Mitchell Coriell

FMUF – Casablanca [First Time]

Week 6 is rollin’ in as the 1st week I almost didn’t make the cut off for my post.

Go Me
*insert confetti bomb*

Ya mans had a busy day of adventurin’ before I came to write this.

Sidetrack Story Time: I went to an abandoned mountain resort and went under a bride for photography stuff. It was dope and really fun!

Anyway, let’s discuss what I did this past Wednesday.  My hometown has recently made this big arts/events center and it has been super successful. The area has it’s own movie theater and since it’s technically one of those indie art house places, they show new independent movies, a ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ cult re-enactment, and monthly series ex. every first Friday is a horror movie.

So on Wednesdays I suppose they do a classic film series and this past Wednesday they were showing ‘Casablanca’. At the time I have not seen ‘Casablanca’ and as a film major I always put it near the top of my ‘to-watch’ list.

Also I am a hopeless romantic so I have personally always wanted to see the quintessential romance movie or the classic romance movie. The whole week I was trying to find people to go with to see it with me or even find a date for the night. Not even really a date date I just thought it’d be cute to go with one of my female friends and just enjoy ourselves… so yeah, basically a date but whatever don’t look at me, moving on.

Throughout the week people all had plans and didn’t want to so on so forth. But that day, was also the first day of summer, which meant a bunch of fast food places had discounts on things. So I call up my one friend and we plan to hit up Moe’s and Jake’s Wayback for double points on the Moe’s app and free Jr. Milkshakes. On the way we call a friend and have him join us.

We get to grubbin’ and I ask them to come see the movie with me and they say yes. Twenty minutes later my other guy friend asks me to hang so I drag him along too.

So now we got the boys (I will make a post in the future to better establish the boys) coming to this movie with me because I couldn’t get any girls.

“Bros before hoes, why? Because your bros are always there for you, they have got your back after your hoe rips your heart out for no good reason.” – Michael Scott / “The Office”

Now I go online to check the times and make sure I was right with what I remembered it being 7:30 but yet again my own mind fails me and it was 7:15 so as the great Jimmy Nuetron once said…

Gotta Blast™

I’m nyoomin’ the fuck down the road to pick up my last friend in time but of course life knew we were running late so we hit every damn red light to get there and end up getting into the movie about ten minutes late. We get our seats in the front since in a movie theater those are always for the late people apparently.

We sit down and watch the movie & let me tell you I didn’t cry but I almost did.


Now the ‘fuck-up-ery’ begins with my thoughts of the movie and then extends to something I noticed while watching the movie.

To begin I mean it’s ‘Casablanca’…. enough said, the nostalgia of the classic films pervades from the screen and infects the audience with a grandiose and elegant tone in the style and B&W grain. My favorite thing about those old films are the single shots of the female leads where the shot almost looks fuzzy but the gaze the woman gives is utterly entrancing. A divine set of beauty and comfort in one look. It’s so fascinating. The story is very straightforward but intense. The universal relatability of a love lost and re-found. The classic ‘one that got away’ story. I love the acceptance of the trope that everyone has that one love that continues to haunt them throughout their life. The one that got away.

The thing that I noticed throughout the film was that the most effective parts of the movie for me were the lines that I already knew. You know the ones, the classic lines.

“Play it Sam, play ‘As Time Goes By'”

“Here’s looking at you kid.”

“We’ll always have Paris.”

These lines I was already well aware of, being a film person I watch videos of ‘best movie quotes’ etc. so I knew most of them. And I realized that these lines gave me the most goosebumps and warm fuzzies. It got me thinking on film expectations and whether they work or do not work.

In the case of Casablanca with the added backstories of the characters, it all gives levity to their performance & their line delivery and makes them so much better. I found it so interesting that  those lines now contextualized makes such a difference. And the film is so melodramatic but it also works so well. It’s a classic, and sometimes the classics fuck me up.

-Mitchell Coriell

FMUF – Bops Pt. 1

We’re 1/20 our way to 100 FMUF posts guys!!


Okay last week was heavy introspective topics on the human condition or at least my take on art’s impact on the human condition. Well not that deep but none the less,  it held some deep concepts and interesting views on things so this week we getting fun.

This week we’re going to talk about bops.

Mitchell what is a bop?

I’m glad you asked imaginary fan. [As if I have real fans at this point]

A bop, to me is a song you fuck with heavy. In non slang terms, a song you really enjoy and can blast in your car and instantly get you excited or in a good mood.

Why do I like bops? Because who the fuck doesn’t? You can’t tell me someone said ‘Nah I don’t like that song that makes me smile and want to dance in a freeway.’  – That shit don’t fly with me.

Back in my first semester freshman year I was in a rough patch and then later decided in my second semester I’d get myself out of it. So I asked some friends who I feel are really happy or have gone through what I was dealing with to help me. All of them mentioned music is a big factor of this. I couldn’t listen to ‘My Chemical Romance’ or ‘Pierce the Veil’ and be happier. Glorifying sadness in music isn’t going to make me smile.

So I made a playlist – ‘Cheer Up (B)Mitch’ on Spotify

I use the B in case I need to be aggressive and tell my little bitch self to cheer up or if I’m being self- supportive and kindly saying Mitch, cheer up.

Since I’ve been able to become a lot happier lately I’ve been on the hunt for my bops.

I’m a Slut For Bops ™

I thought it’d be cool to just throw some bops out there.

Now you’re probably wondering how these bops ‘fuck me up’ and let me explain.

I have been tired as hell these past few weeks with work, gym, and life and if I’m driving home from a long day at work I need a pick me up and these songs come on and I literally sometimes will say

‘OOOOOOOOOOO FUCK ME UP _*insert song here*_’

Like this is a fun form of fuck-up-ery. The kind that is like yes, song I am at your disposal take me on a dopamine overdose with infectious rhythms. Putting my trust in art and music to cheer me up which that alone if dwelled on and looked into is a pretty interesting facet of humanity but the entire dichotomy of music can be discussed when this blog is famous… which won’t be long.

Anyway… here are some of my bops and why they are bops to me. No Particular Order.

  • “She’s American” – The 1975 – Okay, The 1975’s upbeat songs are all lowkey bops but this specifically has a very catchy hook and dance-able beat. The hook is also fun to belt in the car. You can’t help but shake your head to the rhythm. Also this had an excellent ‘Oh hell yeah’ moment at their concert when I heard the opening instrumental.
  • “Kiss Me Thru The Phone” – Soulja Boy – HEAR ME OUT HERE. That opening mantra and hearing the ‘Soulja Boy Tell Em’ intro… you can’t tell me if you heard that at the club you wouldn’t grab your friend by the neck and drag their ass out to dance with you. Super dumb song don’t get me wrong. This is a song where you can kind of laugh at it while you’re getting down. Can’t deny it’s super catchy, and carefree. Also if you randomly play this in front of your friends it’ll probably cause a good laugh. I high key will die for this song.
  • “Another Day Of Sun” – La La Land Cast – If you don’t like musical music, skip this one but if you do… or if you’ve seen La La Land you already know my guy. Excellent opening song to the movie telling the stories of all the young people who travel to LA to start their careers which likely will fail (me in four years). The song is a little slow in the middle but once the dance break comes in and you hear the tempo increase and music and vocal repeat until a big crescendo. Now the very end of this song is what I adore, the tempo is almost too fast but is still excellently controlled and makes you want to dance on top of you car.  Also just the increase in tempo alone gets the heart rate up and gets the listener excited and anxious for more.
  • “Over The Rainbow” – Israel Kamakawiwo’ole – (The version at the end of ‘Fifty First Dates’) – No reason needed, just listen and try not to get goosebumps and be happy yo be alive and simply smile at the simplicity of life and our world.
  • “Girls Just Want To Have Fun” – Cyndi Lauper – This song is the closest I’ve ever been to dancing alone in public… and reminder I’m a guy, the song isn’t even directed to me. This song is a classic and another great one to belt randomly and also another dance-able beat. I’m a guy but I still get so lit over this like hell fucking yeah girl have fun you’re doing great sweetie.
  • “LA Devotee” – Panic! At The Disco –  Extra Points because this an amazing song to run to at the gym. Okay Brendon Urie’s vocal cords are platinum. We can start there. I’m a ho for any song about LA or California. Song has an insane hook and an excellent bridge into an amazing key change at the end. It’s a little repetive but if you love the hook like I do, it won’t matter.



FMUF – Dance Recital

1…2…3…4… How many posts are in the FMUF section of my blog?

The answer is 4… because it is week 4

So I’m gonna try my best to articulate my feelings on this subject, let’s see how it goes.

Okay so this past Sunday I went to my friend’s dance recital. Ya know, because I’m a good supportive friend. So me and about four of my other friends went to go see her. She is a senior so during the recital she had her own senior solo at one point that was choreographed by herself. She was also in group dances and now before I get ahead of myself, let me say a few words about my friend.

I Have No Words

For real guys, I’ve known this girl for about four years and we did theatre together for three years and I got to know her and she is one of the most naturally talented people I have ever gotten to meet. She’s the type of person that will make anything  look easy. There have been moments when she sings or dances and I become simply awestruck. She truly is talented in every sense of the word.

So anyway, she has her own dance solo that she choreographed herself along with a few other dance performances in groups. I maaaaaaaayyy be prejudice since she is the one I know personally but to me she was the best one out there. Her technique is spot on and she is always 100% in the moment. But the one thing that clutches my attention more than anything when she performs is her facial expressions. Which leads me to specifically what fucked me up this week.

Essentially, the perplexity of using dance to convey emotion and story

Now art always holds a personal place in my heart because it is something that invokes an emotional response to all participants (audience and performers/artists) which thus connects everyone who experience it as humans. I easily recognize dance as an art form however I will admit I don’t understand it very well in an analytic and artistic sense. So being able to see my best friend beautifully tell a dramatic and compelling story through these meticulously controlled aesthetic body movements…

It fucks me up

To see my friend artificially convey these heavy and believable emotions as she graces the floor is a breathtaking endeavor. It also becomes all the more effective when you simply become a viewer rather than an analyzer. When I watch a movie I can tell how and why a certain scene or shot created a specific emotional response but with dance I just watch in dumbfounded euphoria as a viewer vicariously enduring what she is enduring emotionally as she tells her story.

On top of that, since she was a senior, this performance was her last with this dance company and during the last number which only included all of the seniors they start crying and share an emotional performance which concluded with a bittersweet moment when they all approach a corner of the stage facing away from one another and then slowly turn back to each other as the lights fade. As the crowd begins to roar me and my friend sitting next to me look at each other and we both agree.

We both crying in the club rn

As I was watching I began to think about all of this and then thought about how I’m able to feel so deeply about my friends experience and relate to the levity of their situation of dancing together for the last time. And I then just get so fucked up in the best way because then I’m just like, wow being a human is so fucking amazing. Being human allows me to feel all of this, and understand all of this… or at least try to understand. Maybe one day I’ll get fucked up so much I’ll understand fully.


FMUF – Drained & Never Saying No

Week 3, give it up for Week 3!

Things are going to be a little ranty/complainy today, so sorry! Today is not the best form of fuck-up-ery.

So let’s get to work.

*if you guys listened to ‘Be More Chill’ like I said last Friday, you’d get that reference (It’s in ‘Upgrade’)*

Work Work Work Work. That’s exactly what is fucking me up. Now I haven’t gone into detail on here but I keep a strict week schedule of gym time and work availability, and the rest of my time is dedicated to either this blog, taking/editing photos, miscellaneous writing, or friends.

Now there is nothing wrong with my schedule, I love being busy and productive  and I have done some rad things this summer and have other rad things lined up as well. However right now? I’m drained as hell. Mentally and physically I am very tired. I unfortunately have to blame that on my incessant difficulty to say no. I realize some nights I have things to get done, for example I want to finish editing photos from a shoot I did, so I get home from work at 6 and have till bedtime to get that done. But then bam I get a text or call from a friend asking to hang out. How can I say no to hanging out with friends! So I go and have fun and come home at 12-1 AM with no time to edit the photos I planned to.

So I put those plans to edit for the next day and this repeats until I get almost nothing done that week. My most recent photo shoot took me almost two weeks to finish editing up to 100 photos.

Along with my very early bird schedule which I discussed in my most recent blog post, I get tired easily because by around 3-4 I hit my daily lull where I either need a power nap or I am visibly exhausted till I receive my second wind from dinner. But this week really crept on my ass until it specifically pounced today where I laid in bed for an hour and realized my body really really needed rest but I couldn’t because I had a photo shoot later today… which went well, my model and I got lost in the woods. All this over-abundance of plans has led me to be very drained. I also am mentally overthinking my weekend plans to fully establish my memory for my other plans. I am stupid and never use a planner so I bear the consequence of mentally fogging myself with plans.

So I get anxious, that feeling like you forgot something but you don’t remember what it was. All day today I thought I had plans which I had forgotten and then will screw myself when I forget them. I feel this way for my whole weekend.

So my issue is, I am to blame for these overwhelming feelings. It’s because I can’t say no. I can’t simply tell someone or something ‘no I’m working on this rn so I can’t’. This is something I need to work on. It comes down to my poor prioritization and a need to adjust them. I keep saying yes until it mentally overwhelms me and I can’t say yes to anything. I shouldn’t keep it so on and off but rather understand what is more important than one another and be able to say yes and no to different things. Ugh.

So life fucking me up right now but once my weekend plans pass my week will reset so I’ll be back on track.

Till next week…

– Mitch

FMUF – ‘Michael In The Bathroom’ – Be More Chill

Fuck me up friends! We have reached the 2nd installment of Fuck Me Up Fridays. 2 weeks… we’re doing good. Proud of you guys.

Anyway, this week we will be discussing a song from a musical a friend of mine put me on to recently. The musical is ‘Be More Chill’ and to sum up the plot, a nerd in high school gets a super computer from Japan implanted in his head in order to make him cooler but it begins taking over his life and takes an evil turn. I will be talking about one song but trust me, the whole musical is stupendous. So give the whole thing a listen.

Now around the middle of the show there is a Halloween party scene. The main character has a best friend named Michael, however, the computer made the protagonist ignore Michael because he wasn’t ‘cool’. So there is a song about Michael hiding in the bathroom because he is alone and this eventually leads to an anxiety attack.

I will be analyzing this song and talking about it. However, it should understood I have only listened to the soundtrack. I don’t know any of the dialogue between songs. Also, I know basically no music lingo so I will sound dumb when I discuss the song from a music standpoint. 

I want to talk about this in depth because beyond the fact that the song is amazing, it’s super super super relatable to me due to my own social anxiety.

I’m gonna try and do this by verses, chorus, and so on.

“I am hanging in the bathroom at the biggest party of the fall
I could stay right here or disappear, and nobody’d even notice at all

I’m a creeper in a bathroom ’cause my buddy kinda left me alone
But I’d rather fake pee than stand awkwardly, or pretend to check a text on my phone

Everything felt fine when I was half of a pair
Now through no fault of mine, there’s no other half there”

So, song opens up essentially showing some context and exposition. It helps show Michael’s mindset as well. The second line of lyrics show Michael’s view of himself in the social hierarchy along with his view on how everyone else thinks of him. He thinks in this group of high school students, he doesn’t matter and no one cares enough to know if he left or not. His introverted personality prefers hiding from everyone else rather than observing everyone else having fun as he just stands there doing the opposite. Lastly, he mentions that his isolation is a product of Jeremy’s (the protagonist) changes and Jeremy’s ignorance of Michael. So audiences will empathize with Michael because the situation is not his fault, he’s an introvert who’s lost the one person he can be extroverted with.

Now again I have been in Michael’s position a few times in my past. Not because of my friends leaving me but just due to my consistent lack of social confidence in party settings. In this situation you’re aware that your behavior is so odd and peculiar which shows as Michael calls himself a ‘creeper’ in line 3. When you need to isolate you give self reflection and wonder why you can’t just be normal and have fun like everyone else does. You analyze your own struggle to socialize and over-think and over-judge yourself for your own issues which only escalates the situation mentally.

Now I’m just Michael in the bathroom, Michael in the bathroom, at a party
Forget how long it’s been
I’m just Michael in the bathroom, Michael in the bathroom at a party
No you can’t come in!
I’m waiting it out ’til it’s time to leave
And picking at grout as I softly grieve
I’m just Michael who you don’t know, Michael flyin’ solo, Michael in the bathroom by himself
Oh, by himself

This is the chorus. Michael externally looks at himself and his situation. George Salazar (Michael) sings it very matter-of-fact and accepting until he reaches line 6 and he begins to escalate in volume. Michael now is almost angrily observing that no one really is his friend anymore, let alone understands him or even knows of his existence.

I have been at parties where I question why I was invited in the sense of ‘does anyone really care if I did or didn’t show up?’ and it’s always super upsetting because once that thought enters my head I can’t get it out so I keep repeating to myself that I’m adding nothing to the evening and my presence doesn’t matter at all. A few times I’d have to go in the bathroom and give myself a mini-pep-talk that I actually am wanted there. I feel like a dumbass admitting this but in the moment when I have rough nights at parties or get-togethers I sometimes can really feel like that.

I am hiding, but he’s out there, just ignoring all our history
Memories get erased, and I’ll get replaced, with a newer, cooler version of me
And I hear a drunk girl, singing along to Whitney through the door – I wanna dance with somebody!
And my feelings sink, ’cause it makes me think: now there’s no one to make fun of drunk girls with anymore!

This is very plot related and helps show how hurt Michael is being outcast by his friend. Also not very analytical but, when he sings the Whitney Houston bit oh fuck it sounds so good. It also hold the double meaning that Michael literally wishes he had someone to dance to while literally it shows that he’s been in the bathroom so long there’s a line of drunk girls forming.

Now it’s just Michael in the bathroom, Michael in the bathroom at a party
I half regret the beers
Michael in the bathroom, Michael in the bathroom at a party
As I choke back the tears
I’ll wait as long as I need, until my face is dry
Or I’ll just blame it on weed, or something in my eye!
I’m just Michael who you don’t know, Michael flyin’ solo
Michael in the bathroom by himself!

The chorus repeats and in line 3 you can literally hear in his voice that he is choking back tears. There’s a fragility in his tone that makes it seem that his voice could crack or squeak at any moment.  Then in line 6 I like because it shows how people consistently will hide their problems and play off the fact that they are having severe anxiety by using excuses. Everyone else is having fun, you don’t want to kill the mood with your stupid inability to be comfortable, because then you’ll just feel more and more isolated and to blame for a bad evening.

Knock, knock, knock, knock
They’re gonna start to shout soon
Knock, knock, knock, knock
Oh hell yeah, I’ll be out soon
Knock, knock, knock, knock
It sucks you left me here alone-
Knock, knock, knock, knock
Here in this teenage battle zone-
Clang, clang, clang, clang
I feel the pressure blowing up-
Bang, bang, bang, bang
My big mistake was showing up-
Splash, splash, splash, splash
I throw some water in my face
And I am in a better place
I go to open up the door
But I can’t hear knocking

This is the bridge of the song, and it shows the songs crescendo and climax as Michael’s anxiety peaks. The ensemble joins in singing the knocks, clangs, bangs, and splashes to create this mounting tension and intensity. In between each of these noises Michael delivers important lines. He shows his contempt for Jeremy and his sincere regret for even going. Near the end the music dwindles as he goes to leave but doesn’t hear the knocking anymore so he stays in the bathroom. This shows that although Michael was ready to go out, he doesn’t because this bathroom is where he feels most comfortable. Once again the performance here is great, excellent belting and emotion.

My favorite line in this is when he blames himself and says he first went wrong in the decision to go. If you’ve had a situation like this before, you think about it every time you choose to go out afterward. You stay aware that this could happen again but you stay positive and hope this time you’ll handle yourself and loosen up for once but, then you don’t and think you’re so stupid for even thinking you could get better.

And I can’t help but yearn
For a different time
And then I look in the mirror
And the present is clearer
And there’s no denying, I’m just-

At a party
Is there a sadder sight than-
Michael in the bathroom at a party
This is a heinous night
I wish I stayed at home in bed watching cable porn
Or wish I offed myself instead
Wish I was never born!
I’m just Michael who’s a loner
So he must be a stoner
Rides a PT Cruiser
God he’s such a loser
Michael flyin’ solo
Who you think that you know
Michael in the bathroom by himself
Oh, by himself
Oh, by himself

So the first paragraph is very soft until he gets to the word ‘I’m just-‘ at the end. Salazar belts beautifully and it leads listeners to believe that he is about to have a big key change or a ‘bring-it-home’ moment of power. But instead you hear him whimper as the music keeps playing. This is the moment emotions get the best of Michael and he breaks down. It’s beautiful listening and quickly realizing that he is now crying just by the sounds. Then the emotions bring him to the dramatic conclusion that he’d rather be dead than enduring this moment. Anxiety can become so overwhelming to this insane degree. In lines 15 we see Michael see himself as everyone else sees him, just assuming hes a pothead because he likes to be alone and then labeling that everyone just thinks he’s a loser.

Another big element of this I can relate to is how I always negatively view myself as I envision other people see me. I never think people look at me positively. I think people think I’m a loser or overbearing or annoying so on and so forth. And when he hums I envision his hands heavily intertwined and him rocking back and forth like someone trying to stay in a happy place and calm down from this bout of anxiety. The performance is so fucking good!

All you know about me is my name

Awesome party
I’m so glad I came

Michael ends the song restating that no one here really knows or understand him and when someone genuinely feels and believes that… it can be one of the most isolating and terrifying feelings in the world.  Lastly Michael talks to the host completely normal and thanks him for the invite. The irony in this is obvious and excellent. People always hide themselves and want to be normal so go for the cliche ‘Awesome party bro’ trope. But Michael was in the bathroom and it fucked me up.


Happy Friday Everyone!


FMUF – Intro & Pale Waves

Hey Everyone! This is going to be my [hopefully] weekly segment called ‘Fuck Me Up Fridays’ or FMUF for short. I’m going to use this as my platform to talk about things that I was very passionate about the week prior. This ‘thing’ can really range from anything to everything, just something that fucked me up. The term ‘Fuck Me Up’ can mean both good and bad so the tone of these posts may vary.

So let’s jump right in…

*Disco Ball Drops*

*’Yeah’ By Usher Blasts*

What’s good bitches! Welcome to the first installment of  Fuck Me Up Fridays! This week’s installment I will be discussing a concert I went to recently.

Now I’m not much of a concert person, prior to this concert I have been to an Eminem & Rihanna concert at MetLife Stadium and that was it. However, when I heard The 1975 would be playing in my hometown… I knew what to do.

*cue Mission Impossible Theme Music*

So, my two friends planned to go with me and we bought our tickets the day they were on sale in about January. Fast forward to April, a little over a month before the concert, something comes up and my two other friends can’t make it. So now I got no one to go with. I could go alone, but I’m too introverted alone to do that. So I publicize the fuck out of these two tickets for sale. Twitter, snap chat, text, everything; I just want to find another friend to go with.

Eventually, Andrew and his little brother, who’s also a close friend of mine, decide to go. So now I’m lit as fuck. The concert was a few days after I got home for summer vacation. Now I’m kicking off my summer with two of my best friends seeing my favorite band.

Needless to say… litty titty.

The day comes around and we’re all super excited to go. We drive on over and we park very far away [this will be important later]. We walk on over to the building and get in line. We get into the general admission area and now we’re chilling.

Lights go on, and four people walk in. I get a rush but I remember how most concerts work. Openers. They were called ‘Colouring’ and they were very good, very similar in aesthetic and sound to The 1975. They performed well, and then there is a ten minute break and music starts up again as another four walk on stage. I see a silhouette walk to the microphone, I see long frizzy/curly hair down to about their shoulder and I immediately think it’s Matt Healy.

So naturally I start screaming.

But what had happened was, Andrew’s little brother yells to me ‘That’s a girl’ and then the lights lift up on the band and I see the lead singer wearing lipstick, and then I see that Matt Healy boobs. Then I though to myself… Matt Healy doesn’t have boobs. It’s another opener, but good lord this band was good. They are called ‘Pale Waves’. The last song they performed has since become my favorite song.

The song is called ‘There’s A Honey’ and it fucks me up.

To me the melody is terrifically infectious, no matter where I am or when I hear it, I wanna dance to it. Always. The chorus has the repeated line ‘I will give you my body / but am I sure that you want me?’ which perfectly fits the aesthetic of The 1975’s ‘pretty grunge’ [At least that what I consider it]. This style and genre of music uses positive and catchy melodies and rhythms but with a look into the lyrics you’ll find mature subject matter like drugs, alcoholism, lust/love, blanketed over the euphoria of youthful naivete.

So the song fucks me up good and the lead singer is stunning. Then The 1975 comes out and they had an excellent set list. Opening with ‘Love Me’ and doing a final closing on ‘Chocolate’. The concert had a gorgeous lighting set up and utilized it all very well. Midway through the night they played ‘Me’ and I cried… naturally. Then once the concert ended we were on our way out. Remember we parked crazy far, so we get in a line of cars to leave and we genuinely do not move for 40 minutes. We don’t move whatsoever. Andrew then gets out of my car and goes to investigate and see what’s up.

Two minutes later I see him sprinting back to the car.

He starts talking about some different route he found, so we start driving and then we get out of there in 2 minutes. Andrew came in the clutch.

Then we got Wawa and went home. It was a good night.

But for real guys, listen to the song. ‘There’s a honey’ by Pale Waves.