I Don’t

Don’t you dare
Do what you both always do
Don’t treat me as your trouble dumpster
And tell me everything you should be saying
to her
Don’t talk behind her back
and wait till she notices
Don’t complain to me
About miniscule misuses of attitude
And pretend everything is okay now
Don’t wait for her to come home
Just so you both can remain silent
Splitting the house
Into petty and misunderstood
Problems aren’t solved through trivial hints
Or underwhelming comments under your breath
Don’t let this house run cold
Because you both lost your fire
Don’t drag me into your crackling abyss
This crackling abyss all begun with a misspoken
‘I Do’

-Mitchell Coriell – 08/22/17


Long Fog Nights

Long days turn to long nights
Two couches leave lust untouched
TV keeps eyes distracted
So we don’t keep looking back
Looking back to feelings all too familiar
We both stay feeling
Feeling something
Fingernails scratch the cushions
Hold us back from holding each other
But we want to be holding each other
Night fogs
Along with our judgements
The fire isn’t the only thing burning
Lines on my back
Spots on your neck
We hold each other close
Until long nights turn to long days
And the sun makes me let go

– Mitchell Coriell – 08/22/17

FMUF – Be Nice

(This is very late and I’m Sorry)

Greetings and Salutations on this lovely Fuck-Me-Up Friday.

This week I have a story with a message attached to it.

Here we go.

So I’m working at Panera Bread which is one of my two current jobs. I started my shift at 11:30 and I was there until 7. In comparison to the past few weeks, that’s an hour or two longer than what I am normally scheduled for. Also I am normally put in the drive thru but today I was on front register (which I prefer anyway) and stayed there for my shift.

Now I always liked front register. Many employees hated it because they had to deal with customers face to face and admittedly Panera customers are primarily upper middle class retired couples who feel entitled to everything along with thinking they are getting ‘fancy fast food’ by going to Panera.

Fast food is fast food, live with it, anyway…

Front register was always easy. I just had to fake a smile, kill the assholes with kindness and do my best to not screw up an order. That’s mainly it, the key is… be nice. I hate sounding like a braggadocios individual but I consider myself a nice person. Especially with customers. To me its simple to force a smile and sound polite. On top of that, certain situations with a customer will make me drop my fake nice and let my genuine kindness come out.

My parents have raised me to be nice, and by the end of this story my goal is to add another reason to why everyone should be nice to other people no matter what.

Near the end of my shift, around 5:30-6:00, my friend visits me unexpectedly. While her mother waits for the food, I don’t have anymore customers so I chat and catch up with my friend. After a couple minutes go by a woman approaches the front register. I tell my friend I’ll see them later, and I ask the woman if she is ready and she starts ordering.

She begins getting her food and I have to begin my interrogation-like platter of questions about their order. Drink? 99 cent pastry? do they have a MyPanera card? Half-size Whole Size?

As I’m going through the questions she answers them with no issue and to me she seemed like a totally normal customer. After she answers one of my questions she breaks the flow and says.

“Sorry for the bad mood, I’m not having the best day ever right now.”

When people mention something like this, I break the robotic nice barrier and try to level with them.

“I totally get it, we’ve all been there, we’ve all had those days.” I say.

I keep going through the questions and she gets a chocolate chip cookie  with her meal. Now, she seemed totally nice, she didn’t seem to be in a bad mood at all and caused me no problems.

This is where my morals and company policy begin to fog a little. When I see suitable reason to give a free pastry to someone, I do so. That of course isn’t entirely what’s allowed. Someone kindy apologizing for an attitude I didn’t even notice and to say she was having a bad day? Seems suitable to me at the time.  So after she pays I lean in a little bit.

“Do you want me to get you another cookie, on me?”

She looks confused. She’s perplexed as to why I’d do something I’m not supposed to for her.

“What? You serious?” she says.

“Well I mean you said you were having a bad day so, thought I might as well try to help you out.” I replied.

Her face begins to loosen as she pieces together it’s just because I’m trying to be nice to her. She begins thanking me and she starts to seem a little too happy about this. She’s smiling and repeatedly saying thank you.

Then she shakes my hand and asks for my name. I’m thinking, ‘Uhm okay, it”s just a cookie’.  She’s saying things like ‘you have no idea how much…’ and ‘that’s so kind of you’

But then she leans in to me and very quietly and plainly tells me something.

“I have cancer.” She says.

I freeze for a moment. To start, I’ve never been good at comforting someone and I’m naturally awkward in moments like this. I say a basic involuntary response to bad news.

“Oh my God I’m so sorry.” I say, I look back and think that probably wasn’t the best response to have. But that isn’t the point.

Obviously none of you reading this saw her face but it looked so happy when I offered the extra cookie. This little act made her smile and be happy in the face of tragic news that she probably received that day. (Our Panera is across from a hospital)

The point is people don’t properly realize that every person is their own individual with their own life. We have no idea what could be going on through other people’s minds and lives. There’s no reason we should be mean to one another. There’s nothing stopping us from being the nicest version of ourselves that we can be. One day a situation like this will come to us all and we all have to chance to make someone’s day or even just be able to make them smile.

Think back to a time someone did  something nice for you… remember how you felt?

Exactly. Now make someone else feel that way.

FMUF – First Video Gig & Birthday

Before I begin, if you have an Instagram and like photography, follow @angstwithacamera for my own original photography. Comment that the blog brought you there!

Back to me getting fucked up.

Hey everyone! Welcome to the weekly segment of my mental instability being broadcasted in digital text.

So this week I’m gonna give you a broad rundown of my week.

Monday – Day in Philly, Photography, Bike Ride Through South Philly, Fun
Tuesday – Don’t Remember, Had Dinner At Nice Restauraunt
Wednesday – Don’t Remember
Thursday – Day 1 Of First Paid Videography Gig, Saw Local Production of
‘Disaster: The Musical’, Absolutely Hilarious
Friday – Finish Videography Gig

And Here We Are

So I want to discuss the Philly trip and my first videography gig and move into my favorite holiday coming tomorrow.

Okay so my friend recommends the idea that we use the IndeGo bikes through Philly to go to a thrift store and pick up some records and head back. Having lived in Philly for a few months I’m all ‘Nah we gonna get run over’ but my friend urges so I decide to go. If anyone here has seen ‘Master Of None’ Season 2 Ep 2 I believe, where Dev and Arnold Moped through the European countryside… Surprisingly that’s what I felt like biking through Philly. It was so calming and so, independent. It gave me the same feeling when I’d go to the art museum by myself back in the school year. This feeling of indefinite independence, like this was my choice and I’m having fun with my choice. I felt like I had so much ahead of me. It was super nice out and it was so fun riding with my buds throughout this magna-cosm of a city knowing we were but a flick of importance to it but we were existing none-the-less.

It was so fun, I also got some good photography done while I was there and hopefully those edited photos will be out within the next week or so.

Okay next element of fuck up-ness comes Thursday and this morning. A friend reached me and said a Theatre camp she is a counselor in needs a videographer to record one of the shows Friday. So I email the main adult in charge and get hired. They say I need to record the show and edit a DVD and burn the DVDs. Now I knew what the pay would be so I agreed to do it even though I currently have no idea how to burn a DVD. I assume it shouldn’t be that hard…

So Thursday rolls around and I’m there to essentially troubleshoot, and make sure I have time to fix anything I need to fix. They ran the show twice and Friday I need to record the final dress rehearsal and final performance. So recording it twice Thursday also help me test the battery life of both cameras I was using. So one run through we lit. Second run through… and both batteries die, and the camera both randomly stop recording in the middle of the show.

So now I’m a little nervous, but I consider it not a difficult fix to both problems, nothing google can’t solve. I find a local camera store and buy extra batteries for both cameras and I drop $120 on them which was basically all of the money I had at the time. And I googled why the cameras stop recording randomly and found a solution.

So then I’m ready to go for Friday (today). We run the dress rehearsal and they say they are gonna run one more dress rehearsal before the show. I check my cameras to switch the batteries and charge the ones I just used. I look at the camera I have hooked into the mic. And I see it.

I recorded the whole dress rehearsal without the Mic plugged in.

In other words I am Shit

So now I have to make sure I record this whole other dress rehearsal and hope I have the battery life for the final performance. I think to myself, the show lasts 50 minutes, the batteries should charge back up enough in time for the final show after that. Then I hear the director say they only running the music number and then they are opening the house and starting the show shortly after.

I’m sweating just typing this.

I was just nervous, I didn’t want to royally fuck up my first job in my actual field, even if it was something simple like recording a musical. I needed to start this off well. I’m sweating and pacing until I have to remove the batteries from the chargers and start the next recording. I was scared but God was on my side and the show went well. But my shirt was damp from nervous sweat.

So lastly, tomorrow is a very important holiday… Canada Day… and my birthday.

So peace love and turtle doves… Idk

-Mitchell Coriell

Happy Ending

To her,
He was the happy ending
She has waited for
Since she was a little girl

He was the knight in shining armor
Who always had time to take of his helmet
To kiss her neck and tickle her stomach

He was the rainbow
To block all the rain there was
And all rainy days to come

To her,
She finally could write in the end
To her story
With a ‘Happily ever after’

He held the pen.

-Mitchell Coriell 6/6/17


I would search for you
In every song I ever heard
In every line I ever wrote
In every dark corner of my soul
In every beat of my heart
All I would find is
Shadows and Screams
Barricades of forgotten lust
and flickers of your extinguished eyes
I though I used the maps
and directions
to help me find you
But perhaps you’re meant
To remain lost

– Mitchell Coriell 6/6/17

FMUF – Casablanca [First Time]

Week 6 is rollin’ in as the 1st week I almost didn’t make the cut off for my post.

Go Me
*insert confetti bomb*

Ya mans had a busy day of adventurin’ before I came to write this.

Sidetrack Story Time: I went to an abandoned mountain resort and went under a bride for photography stuff. It was dope and really fun!

Anyway, let’s discuss what I did this past Wednesday.  My hometown has recently made this big arts/events center and it has been super successful. The area has it’s own movie theater and since it’s technically one of those indie art house places, they show new independent movies, a ‘Rocky Horror Picture Show’ cult re-enactment, and monthly series ex. every first Friday is a horror movie.

So on Wednesdays I suppose they do a classic film series and this past Wednesday they were showing ‘Casablanca’. At the time I have not seen ‘Casablanca’ and as a film major I always put it near the top of my ‘to-watch’ list.

Also I am a hopeless romantic so I have personally always wanted to see the quintessential romance movie or the classic romance movie. The whole week I was trying to find people to go with to see it with me or even find a date for the night. Not even really a date date I just thought it’d be cute to go with one of my female friends and just enjoy ourselves… so yeah, basically a date but whatever don’t look at me, moving on.

Throughout the week people all had plans and didn’t want to so on so forth. But that day, was also the first day of summer, which meant a bunch of fast food places had discounts on things. So I call up my one friend and we plan to hit up Moe’s and Jake’s Wayback for double points on the Moe’s app and free Jr. Milkshakes. On the way we call a friend and have him join us.

We get to grubbin’ and I ask them to come see the movie with me and they say yes. Twenty minutes later my other guy friend asks me to hang so I drag him along too.

So now we got the boys (I will make a post in the future to better establish the boys) coming to this movie with me because I couldn’t get any girls.

“Bros before hoes, why? Because your bros are always there for you, they have got your back after your hoe rips your heart out for no good reason.” – Michael Scott / “The Office”

Now I go online to check the times and make sure I was right with what I remembered it being 7:30 but yet again my own mind fails me and it was 7:15 so as the great Jimmy Nuetron once said…

Gotta Blast™

I’m nyoomin’ the fuck down the road to pick up my last friend in time but of course life knew we were running late so we hit every damn red light to get there and end up getting into the movie about ten minutes late. We get our seats in the front since in a movie theater those are always for the late people apparently.

We sit down and watch the movie & let me tell you I didn’t cry but I almost did.


Now the ‘fuck-up-ery’ begins with my thoughts of the movie and then extends to something I noticed while watching the movie.

To begin I mean it’s ‘Casablanca’…. enough said, the nostalgia of the classic films pervades from the screen and infects the audience with a grandiose and elegant tone in the style and B&W grain. My favorite thing about those old films are the single shots of the female leads where the shot almost looks fuzzy but the gaze the woman gives is utterly entrancing. A divine set of beauty and comfort in one look. It’s so fascinating. The story is very straightforward but intense. The universal relatability of a love lost and re-found. The classic ‘one that got away’ story. I love the acceptance of the trope that everyone has that one love that continues to haunt them throughout their life. The one that got away.

The thing that I noticed throughout the film was that the most effective parts of the movie for me were the lines that I already knew. You know the ones, the classic lines.

“Play it Sam, play ‘As Time Goes By'”

“Here’s looking at you kid.”

“We’ll always have Paris.”

These lines I was already well aware of, being a film person I watch videos of ‘best movie quotes’ etc. so I knew most of them. And I realized that these lines gave me the most goosebumps and warm fuzzies. It got me thinking on film expectations and whether they work or do not work.

In the case of Casablanca with the added backstories of the characters, it all gives levity to their performance & their line delivery and makes them so much better. I found it so interesting that  those lines now contextualized makes such a difference. And the film is so melodramatic but it also works so well. It’s a classic, and sometimes the classics fuck me up.

-Mitchell Coriell